


Praying to Angels

by shellygurumi



Series: One Shots [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, Purgatory, Season/Series 08 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-01
Updated: 2012-12-01
Packaged: 2017-11-19 23:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/578850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shellygurumi/pseuds/shellygurumi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas cried every night when he heard Dean praying to him<br/>And it made him fight harder and run faster<br/>Just to keep Dean Safe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Praying to Angels

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this head canon post during the episode What's Up Tiger Mommy? and it got over 5,000 notes on tumblr. It exploded in a way I never expected. So, I wrote this fic to go with it.

“Castiel... I know you’re out there somewhere,” Dean said, looking up into the sky of perpetual dusk. “I don’t know if something took you or what, man... but if you can hear me, if you can get back... I’m here. I’m still alive, Cas. An’ I’m gonna keep fighting, man.”

Dean sighed, closing his eyes, and looked around the relative safety of his place in the tree branch. Purgatory was a hard place without someone else to watch your back. Another day gone, another night spent alone. Tomorrow, Dean would wake and try again to find Castiel. 

 

He searched high and low, he hunted monsters, questioned them, killed them. He asked the question, “Where’s the angel?” But no one had the answer.

Every day he hunted, every night he prayed, “Cas, I know you’re out there and I’m going to find you. Just wait, someone has to know something and when I find them, I’ll get my answers. But if you can give me a sign, leave me a clue, something to follow, Cas... Just anything...” 

Dean sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He hoped that prayer worked here in Purgatory. Even if it didn’t, he wouldn’t stop. He had to keep trying, keep working, keep hunting and searching and questioning. He couldn’t just let Castiel get lost here. Cas was all he had and as far as Dean knew, he was Castiel’s only hope. He couldn’t and he wouldn’t give up.

 

“Where is the angel?” The question, the same question every day. Dean asked it again, running down a vampire who must have fallen out of the 1800s into Purgatory, judging by his hair. There was never an answer, no matter how many times he asked. He’d go hoarse asking it, but he wouldn’t stop.

“Maybe this will jog your memory?” Dean held up a knife to the vampire’s throat. He hated torturing, he never enjoyed it, but if it meant finding Castiel, then it was worth it. Only it didn’t work. Not on this vampire or any of the other monsters so far, who all died claiming that they knew nothing, or that Dean would never find the angel.  Just like the prayers, he would keep at it until he got an answer from someone. 

“Cas, I’m still looking... I’m not going to give up on you. Please, Cas, if you’re out there somewhere, just find a way to let me know. Leave freakin’ breadcrumbs if you have to, put a sign on a tree. Do something, anything. Just... Just don’t be dead.” Dean closed his eyes, lifting a hand to massage his forehead. 

* * *

Castiel stood at the edge of the clearing, eyes closed, head hung low. Dean was praying again, asking for clues that he couldn’t give. He almost wished there was a way to leave a sign to tell Dean to turn away, to stop looking, but he knew that would only compel the hunter to search harder. It was easier to let Dean think he was dead or gone or lost. 

When he opened his eyes and lifted his head, Castiel felt the dampness on his cheeks. It was a new sensation he wasn’t familiar with. He wanted to let Dean know he was still alive, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t safe.

“I’m sorry, Dean...” Castiel whispered to the nothingness before him, then steadied himself. On he went, running from Dean to keep him safe.

 

The leviathans were worse in Purgatory than they had ever ever been on Earth. Here, they were in their true form, all teeth and darkness. All of them with Castiel at the top of their To Kill in Horrible Ways list. 

Castiel fought harder than he ever had to fight before. No angel or demon battle could compare to the viciousness of the leviathans. Even the other monsters in Purgatory cleared away for their fights, but weren’t so far gone as to not catch sight of him. With Dean asking so many questions about his whereabouts, Castiel had to do something about the witnesses.

Once the leviathans were dealt with, Castiel tracked them down. 

“You saw what happened there, yes? If you don’t want that leviathan’s fate to be your own, you will say nothing of what you saw here. Tell no one you know where I am, or I will destroy you.” 

“Th-that human... he’s looking for you.”

“Especially not him,” Castiel growled,  eyes narrowing as he pressed the blade to the monster’s neck. “You will be dead if you breath a word of it. Got it?” 

“Yeah, yeah, got it,” the monster tried to nod, but gasped as the blade cutting into his skin. He closed his eyes tight and held his breath until the pressure was gone. When he opened his eyes, the angel had vanished. 

* * *

Dean found another gang of baddies lurking about. By now, everyone knew who he was. As it turned out, word traveled fast in Purgatory; at least, it did when an angel and a human turned up unexpected. If everyone knew who he was, surely they knew who Cas was and where he was. He would keep asking everyone until he got an answer, or killed everyone else in Purgatory.

The latter scenario was looking more likely. It didn’t seem to matter who he asked or threaten, no one would tell him where the angel was. Sometimes he got the feeling they knew, the way their eyes shifted or jaw clenched told him they knew more than they were letting on. Someone had Cas, someone was keeping him and Dean would find him. Dean would save him.

“Cas... I’m still here. I’m still alive and I’m still looking for you. I don’t care if I have to kill everyone in this place, I’ll find you and we’ll find a way out. Whoever’s got you, Cas...” Dean gritted his teeth and took a deep breath. “If it’s leviathans, if it’s anything, Cas, I’ll save you from them. We can beat them together. Just give me something...” 

* * *

Dean’s prayers were getting harder to listen to every night. He found his cheeks were always wet by the end of those prayers. Dean’s voice sounded tired, haggard and desperate. The one thing Dean kept asking for, that he kept striving towards, was exactly what Castiel could not give him this time. He always came when Dean called on Earth, he always answered his prayers. But here in Purgatory, he couldn’t. This was the one way Castiel could keep him safe, the only thing he could do to lessen Dean’s burden. The prayers were too much. He could barely handle listening to them and each night left new streaks of tears through the dirt that covered Castiel’s face. 

Crying was not a thing Castiel was used to, but he found himself becoming quite familiar with it in Purgatory. It started with silent tears trickling their way down his cheek. Those single tears turned to streams. Later they were accompanied with a tightness in his throat when he heard Dean start to pray. Castiel had to close his eyes against the stinging he felt before a small, choked sob would escape and the tears fell freely.

Only Dean could invoke such feelings in him, Castiel decided after so many months in Purgatory without him. He lost track of how many prayers he heard. He lost track of how many leviathans he killed, how many wounds he received, how many monsters he threatened. What Castiel never lost track of was the way Dean’s voice sounded every night, desperate to find him. He remembered all the words spoken, all the pleas and requests. 

Some nights, Dean just spoke, just telling Castiel what he had done, what monsters he faced and killed, how he progressed. Sometimes he would go silent and Castiel thought maybe Dean had fallen asleep. Or fear would grip him, thinking Dean had been attacked or killed. Those were the hardest moments, the ones where he wanted to fly to Dean’s side, keep him safe, make sure he was okay. But Castiel knew the only way to keep him safe was to stay away; stay as far away from Dean Winchester as possible. 

Castiel had to let Dean believe he was dead and gone. There was no other way to keep the leviathans away. No matter what Dean was facing down here, it would only be made worse by Castiel’s presence. 

Then Dean would jolt and begin speaking again, only having nodded off or stopped to check his surroundings for safety. And Castiel would let out a pent-up breath, feel his heart start beating and whisper a thanks to anyone listening, that Dean Winchester was still alive. For one more night, Castiel’s sacrifice was worth it, because Dean was still safe.

After resting for a spell, Castiel would be on the move again. He would run as far as necessary to get away from Dean. He would fight as hard as necessary to keep Dean safe. It was all he could do. 


End file.
